Signs...

Lots of strange things happen to you when you think you have cancer or are dying. You look for signs everywhere you can to seek out positive vibes. Signs matter. They do provide comfort or at a minimum good storytelling so that when you speak to people about your condition instead of feeling bad for you they’re amazed at the uncanny events that are helping you move forward. The ooo aah factor. Even with my mom going through her new cancer episode she tried to put a positive spin on what I was going through. I know it pains her not to be with me. But it’s just not possible. We can provide long distance support on the phone each day but I digress. The first sign came at the oncologists office. The background music played an artist I knew and whose music had always brought me luck. The follow up song was my take on reality - GnR Welcome to the Jungle - how apropos. Who programs an oncologists background music with that? I guess there could have been worse choices - Sinatra’s My Way comes to mind. The onocolgist was jovial and I was trying to make light of the situation. We met him and a pulmonologist. They scheduled a Bronchoscope exam under general anesthesia for the next day. They were wasting no time getting this going. It was both calming and terrifying. The second sign was the intake nurses name at the hospital before surgery. It was the same name as my great grandmother who I was named after. I didn’t realize that was a sign until later when the third sign happened. My mother had been texting me and my husband all day of course sending love and saying she wished she could be there. When I awoke in recovery after surgery, my husband was already deep in a conversation with the nurse about where she lived etc. Thats when I heard her name....it was the same name as my mother’s. It seemed more than a coincident...and now my mom and I are having chemo at the same time.