John Lennon

I heard a John Lennon quote today that while it made me cry also inspired me... “Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.”

I guess I should feel lucky that I feel well enough to write. If you want a sugar coated story about chemo and cures this isn’t the place to find it. I’ve always been a straight shooter and sometimes (well maybe always) an oversharer.

My numbers weren’t good this week as it relates to blood cell counts and platelets. This caused me to have a platelet transfusion on Thursday. As far as bucket list items go I wouldn’t add this one to the list. The platelets are yellow gunk that drips into your arm. They are donated so it’s as if you’re having a transplant of someone else’s cells. I was dehydrated on Thursday when went for the initial bloodwork before the transfusion. They had a hard time getting everything they needed since I have tiny veins (probably the only tiny thing about me) and eventually had to get blood through a finger prick forcing droplets into a tube. I told you no sugar coating.

After that I went to the infusion station and three nurses tried to get an IV into my arm. They warmed my arm with heat packs and blankets but the eventually had to call in the vein whisperer nurse Kenny. I had met Kenny during my first time around with chemo - he remembered me and we caught up on his daughter who is destined to be a basketball star. Kenny found a vein and it was off to the races. For 2-1/2 hours platelets flowed with no immediate side effects. That evening at home was tiring and my temperature waned between 99-100.1. Fortunately I never made it to the dreaded 100.4 marker which requires you to call in back up.

Of course during all this my mouth sores inflamed and I had no appetite or desire to drink. Perfect opportunity to convince my family that I could only tolerate a coffee milkshake and they delivered it right away ;). Fortunately whatever trace protein and fluids from the shake were easily devoured.

On Saturday I started to feel better after a night of night sweats but once I took a shower I lost all energy again. I do not understand the logic behind taking a relaxing shower and having it drain your energy but whatever. I’ve also started losing my hair in clumps. I can tell you this is not an easier to bear the second time around and I kept wishing they would be wrong about the hair loss. Tomorrow I will most likely shave my head and start wearing wigs and hats again. For some unknown reason I was never able to find a donation center for my previous wigs so they sit in a box ready to go. Fate.

Today my platelets were high enough that I only had to have a blood transfusion. Apparently while I’m a universal blood donor (I can’t recall every donating which is something I need to remedy when I’m better) I have a rare blood that can only take the same type O-

I couldn’t watch the blood transfusion. The blood was berry red and looked frozen when delivered. The nurses laughed when I asked if it was cold and would defrost before it got into my body....what do I know? I never had a blood transfusion and hope this is a one and done. They promised me I’d have more energy in the next days yet I still need to go back for more bloodwork on Monday.

Thriugh all of this I’m so fortunate to have heard from family and friends who have sent me cards and messages of support. My work family is without a doubt the best example of this. Even after 35+ years at the same family company I can still reflect that it is truly family first and I feel the love constantly.

So today it’s not okay and so today it is not the end. I will press on. I have seven days till my next chemo round.