I can’t sleep....

I know it’s artificial from day two of the steroid

predisone. So I troll the internet, Instagram and facebook. I tried listening to Chopins Nocturne to relax but that just made me think of my grandmother and my childhood. It’s was idyllic. I was her angel nothing I did could ever be wrong; that unconditional love of a grandparent. She would play Chopin (her favorite composer) on her black Steinway grand piano and I would dance around her Versailles style living room - arabasque, rellivve?, and other twirling ballet positions. I would then beg her to play my favorite - the Fire Dance - a forceful driving piece of music with frenzy. She loved to perform for us. I’ve been thinking a lot about unconditional love. It’s so rare that people can look past your faults and take you for who you are. After all don’t we all have something to say about someone else. Wasn’t it Mae West who said “if you don’t have something nice to say about someone sit next to me?” Does that make you a bad person. Is it karmically indecent? So how do we get to this unconditional love - does it only exist with grandparents who fail to see your faults? luckily i spent almost 90% of my current existence in the glow of my grandmothers love.....I need to make sure that I too have the opportunity to share my unconditional love with my grandchild (not anytime soon on the horizon) and so I continue on chemo day 3 round two....moms chemo has been delayed for a new cocktail and more fluid removal.