Bowling....

Well I’m not bowling but my head is now as bare as a bowling ball. Even though my hair was short I couldn’t look at the hair on my pillow each morning in the drain after a shower. So I had my hubby buy a razor and shave it off. Ugh it was demoralizing sitting on the edge of the tub while he did it. There was actually more hair in the tub than i thought I had; but i skeve hair - loose hair - gross. So this has to be done. Wearing the wig was difficult and the hair just came off on the headband. At first I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror: or didn’t want to. I keep seeing those St Judes children in my head on TV (and side note - I have seen more ads about cancer and cancer facilities on tv since diagnosis than ever before). After a while i looked in the mirror. Omg. Sinead O’Connor Two days later and I’m better with it. Actually it’s not bad. I get out of the shower and rub my head - dry! The struggle with the wig is getting better...it goes on fast but i still feel like it’s slipping during the day. I guess I’ll have to tape it down. Yesterday i hosted a dinner. I know people didn’t recognize me at first. Actually walked right by me; but ok. It’s different. It's a new look. All night I felt I had to hold the wig down. Today i went to a seminar and rocked at hat with my Ben Franklin wig (the half head of hair). That was better. No tugging or pulling and just looks like me in a hat. But still I know though people say I look good it’s not the same. It won’t be for a while. I choose to make this about not just killing the cancer but personal growth. Look past it. Challenging but I have no real choice. I’m stuck with this for a bit. Getting better is the key. So tomorrow after a major industry panel and interview I’m hightailing it to my doc for the Neulasta shot. That will be 2 cycles down four to go...edging to the 1/2 way mark. Mom...had fluid removed today and her new cocktail next week is similar to me in that she’s doing five straight days of dose adjusted.